No One Rides for Free: Absolute Chaos by Judith Sonnet and Otis Bateman

 Title: The Groomer

Author: Jon Athen

Year Published: 2020

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, Horror, Splatterpunk, Thriller, Crime, Extreme Horror

Summary:

In the original book, No One Rides For Free, by Judith Sonnet, there was a warning halfway through the story, which told readers to be cautious with the foul, disturbing, and disgusting material they were about to encounter.

This time . . . YOU DON’T GET A WARNING!

The twisted Otis Bateman and unhinged Judith Sonnet have joined forces to bring you a book that goes ALL THE WAY. NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE (ABSOLUTE CHAOS) is an exploration of evil and wickedness, unlike anything you have read before. You’ll swear you can smell the blood on the pages!

A group of college students stop by a roadside attraction on their way back from spring break, only to become trapped in a life-or-death fight with two roaming psychopaths, Buster and The Man! Fiends, whose bloodlust knows no boundaries!

If you are at all easily shocked or offended, this book is going to BUTCHER you!

Ten(ish) Sentence Review:

In this second installment, Judith Sonnet and Otis Bateman evolve The Man from a gas station carjacker to a legendary serial killer with a ride-or-die partner and decades of notorious history. The authors expertly expanded his character from the first novella, No One Rides for Free, while keeping his goals and desires relatively simple: to cause as much misery and carnage as possible. The addition of his partner Buster, and the constant reminder that they each unconditionally support the different pleasures their partner gets out of each attack, humanizes them both in a way that almost makes the reader root for them even as they remove girls' body parts with rusty blades and scratch their disease-infested balls. 

If there was one thing I found especially gratuitous (within the forest of gratuity that was the entire book), it was the unrealistically high number of orgasms. Maybe I'm outing myself as someone with a low sex drive, but I find it hard to believe that anyone would have an unwanted, accidental orgasm in the midst of torture and abuse. Even if she has a secret, excitingly taboo incest fantasy; even if he's a horny virgin with a micropenis who's never gotten a blowjob; even (ESPECIALLY) if it feels kinda food but she is fully aware that tongue belongs to her dog. The only orgasms I can realistically believe are the ones had by The Man, Buster, and Cunningham. 

I also have a complicated relationship with all the euphemisms for body parts throughout both the narrative text and the dialogue. I love how diverse they are because it makes the near-constant descriptions of vaginas, anuses, and penises less repetitive, but it also gives the narration a comical element that I'm not sure the writers were aiming for. I can only hear terms like "beef curtains" and "chocolate starfish" so many times before I start picturing the whole gory, tragic story as scenes from some bizarre snuff cartoon from the dark web. 10

The most important thing I can say about this book is: don't read it. If you're not prepared, seriously do not do this to yourself. The only splatterpunk theme not shown in graphic detail is baby eating, but even that is mentioned more than once. However, if you're already a fan of extreme horror and splatterpunk, and if you TRULY understand what you're getting into, you should absolutely give this book a try. If you can get past all the bodily fluids, it's a masterpiece of intricate storytelling. 

I'm pretty excited to see if there will be a third installment to the series, especially after leaving this one's ending on an infuriatingly tantalizing cliffhanger.

Also, this is a spoiler, but shout out to the lesbian being the final girl <3 

3.5/5, rounded up to 4 for Goodreads. 

The Groomer by Jon Athen

Title: The Groomer

Author: Jon Athen

Year Published: 2020

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, Horror, Splatterpunk, Thriller, Crime

Summary:

Andrew McCarthy grows concerned for his family after he catches a young man, Zachary Denton, photographing his daughter, Grace McCarthy, and other children at a park. To his dismay, Zachary talks his way out of trouble when he’s confronted by the police. He hopes that’s the end of it. Then he finds Zachary at a diner and then at a grocery store. He knows their encounters aren't coincidences. And just as Andrew prepares to defend his family, Grace vanishes. As the police search stalls and the leads dry up, Andrew decides to take matters into his own hands. He starts by searching for sex offenders in the area and researching enhanced interrogation techniques... He convinces himself he’ll do anything to rescue his daughter, unaware of the pure evil he'll face in his journey. He’s willing to hurt—to torture—anyone to save his family.

Ten Sentence Review:

Although I knew going in that violence involving children in The Groomer would be difficult to read, and although I consider myself a pretty seasoned splatterpunk reader, I was almost unprepared for the scenes with the two little boys--you'll definitely want to proceed with caution, and probably won't want to make this your first-ever "extreme horror" read. 

I liked the main character Andrew's unlikely arc from suburban dad to psychopathic torture machine, and I truly believe that exact thing could happen to someone overnight after losing their child the way he did. The cops aren't moving quickly enough and he has access to the internet, so why not? The first two torture scenes are incredibly creative and had just the right amount of gore (read: a shitload), but they don't move the plot forward or get the reader invested in Andrew's cause as much as they would if the men being tortured were actually connected to his daughter's case in any way. As is, the beginning of his vigilantism is a random search for whatever offenders happen to live nearby, kicking down their doors, and demanding information on his child without a clue as to whether they're even involved. 

The final scene with the titular groomer was ALMOST everything I wanted it to be. This guy is exactly as pathetic as he should be and I hate him exactly as much as I'm supposed to, but as terrible as his punishment is, it still doesn't feel long or bad enough. I was actually surprised at how tame it is compared with what Andrew does to the other guys earlier in the book, especially after hearing the brutal details of what the groomer did to Andrew's daughter Grace. 

The epilogue first broke my heart with Andrew's son Max saying goodbye to his father and sister at the funeral (possibly leaving it open to a sequel where Max follows in his vigilante father's footsteps?), and then made me want to puke with the ~other~ thing that happens at the very end...with the jar... 

This book made me feel something during a very numb week, and for that, I appreciate it. 

3.5/5, rounded up to 4 for GR.

When I Am Through With You by Stephanie Kuehn

Title: When I Am Through With You

Author: Stephanie Kuehn

Year Published: 2017

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, YA, Suspense, Thriller, Crime, Twist Ending

Summary:

Ben Gibson is many things, but he’s not sorry and he’s not a liar. He will tell you exactly how what started as a simple school camping trip in the mountains ended the way it did. About who lived and who died. About who killed and who had the best of intentions. And he’ll tell you about Rose. But he’s going to tell you in his own time. Because after what happened on that mountain, time is the one thing he has plenty of. Smart, dark, and twisty, When I Am Through With You will leave readers wondering what it really means to do the right thing.

Ten Sentence Review:

I know I enjoyed this book because I couldn’t put it down until the final page. It surprised me constantly, from the unexpected (and sometimes downright dumb) choices every single character made to the way the pace and sense of urgency changed with each act of the story. It begins as a slow introduction to the characters and the finer points of orienteering, transitions to a frenzied and violent thriller, and ends almost abruptly back in Ben’s prison cell. Although Ben’s character growth was very deliberately commented upon, I still appreciated that he was introspective enough to experience growth at all. Then again, he started and ended adolescence by shooting someone in the head, so maybe he didn’t grow as much as I initially thought.

My two favorite parts both came at almost the end of the book: Tomas confessing everything to Ben, and Lucy visiting Ben in prison as his psychiatrist. The importance of forgiveness was just as heavy-handed as Ben’s development, but both these scenes showed Ben that not everyone will abandon him the way his parents had.

And then, of course, we get to the biggest twist of all: the money never existed, the preacher and his brother had never been escaped convicts, and Rose lied which lead to Archie’s death (and possibly everyone else’s too). We’ll never know Rose’s reason for lying about the money because Ben took it upon himself to end her suffering minutes before the rescue team arrived, but I’d be willing to bet they were more complicated than anything Ben assumed they were. He’s a little boy who would rather die than make decisions, who is suffering from chronic migraines and probably emotionally stuck at the age of his original trauma and injury, and then he finally decides to kill the girl to whom he’s said countless times he’s grateful for deciding everything since they started dating.

3.5/5, rounded down to 3/5 for GR. 

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

Title: The Deep

Author: Rivers Solomon with Daveed Diggs, William Hutson, and Jonathan Snipes

Year Published: 2019

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, Supernatural, Fantasy, LGBTQ+ Novella

Summary:

Yetu holds the memories for her people—water-dwelling descendants of pregnant African slave women thrown overboard by slave owners—who live idyllic lives in the deep. Their past, too traumatic to be remembered regularly, is forgotten by everyone, save one—the historian. This demanding role has been bestowed on Yetu. Yetu remembers for everyone, and the memories, painful and wonderful, traumatic and terrible and miraculous, are destroying her. And so she flees to the surface, escaping the memories, the expectations, and the responsibilities—and discovers a world her people left behind long ago. Yetu will learn more than she ever expected to about her own past—and about the future of her people. If they are all to survive, they’ll need to reclaim the memories, reclaim their identity—and own who they really are.

Ten-Sentence Review:

Everything about this book, from the ebb and flow of the narrative to the non-chronological delivery of the plot, gives the reader a real feeling of floating through the deep ocean. The creatures--called Zoti Aleyu meaning Strange Fish, also collectively referred to as the Wajinru--are tactile beings with sensitive skin and minds, and I felt each cold wave and grain of salt along with them. The poetic prose dropped me into a universe where everything feels as off-beat and uncertain as floating in the open ocean.

The lesbian love story in this book is so subtle, and I hadn’t previously seen this title on any queer book lists, so I wasn’t expecting Yetu and Oori to end up together; it snuck up on me in the most satisfying way! You could even argue that since the Wajinru don’t particularly have genders they’re not lesbians so much as a generally-queer-kind-of-fem-probably-neurodivergent-inter-species-but-not-weird-because-one-is-a-merperson couple. I loved the gender fluidity throughout the whole book among Wajinru and humans alike, especially when Yetu explains that they are born with similar bodies but “there were men, women, both, and neither. Such things were self-determined…” (chapter 7).

In the last few years, I’ve noticed a trend of books with especially sad or violent storylines still ending happily for the characters who deserve it. I usually love a messy, chaotic ending where nothing is resolved because it’s true to the way most things in real life end up, but I couldn’t think of a better ending than the tidy bow The Deep is tied into during the final pages. Yetu and Oori find true belonging in one another, Oori finds a deeper heritage which is still connected to her lost community, and the Wajinru are learning to share their memories so they can all find peace. Instead of furthering generational trauma, the Wajinru experience a healing rebirth that they truly deserve.

5/5 and then some!

Here is the song "The Deep" by Clipping. Prepare for goosebumps.

I Found a Circus Tent in the Woods Behind My House by Ben Farthing

Title: I Found a Circus Tent in the Woods Behind My House

Author: Ben Farthing

Year Published: 2023

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, Novella, Horror, Supernatural

Summary:
Dave and hie four-year-old, Jacob, find a circus tent in the woods behind their house. A strange voice invites them through the dark doorway. 

When they refuse, the tent swallows them.

What follows is a nightmare fleeing through a maze of circus tents. Strange performers lurk inside. They want Dave and his little boy to put on a show. The audience: a shifting figure on a platform high above the trapeze wires.

With Jacob perched in the crook of his arm, Dave determines to outsmart the boss of this dark circus, and escape this horrifying tent.

Ten Sentence Review:

This short novel presents a believable surreality that is absolutely dripping with creativity. Yes, there are clowns and circus performers, but not like you've seen before. The theme of minimizing your child's trauma is prevalent throughout, and Jacob is a very realistic four-year-old. Father and son stop to take breaks from running, eat snacks, lament forgetting to bring water, and play games to distract from their terrifying situation. This humanity was made even more delightful after reading the "Why I Wrote This Book" author's note at the end. 

One thing in this otherwise excellent story was very frustrating: in over an hour of complaining about arm pain and realizing he can't do various tasks while holding Jacob in one arm, Dave never once puts Jacob on his back piggyback-style to free up his hands. He even straps him on with a yoyo string at one point (the thinnest, flimsiest string I've ever encountered), but never considers shifting the kid to his back and telling him to hang on tight. This was surprising considering their clever use of circus props to get away from the performers.

The pacing of this book is spot on and really builds the suspense. Several instances of foreshadowing that worse things are still to come made me want to keep turning pages and find out--as the author says--"what the hell is happening." 

I would have loved more information on who the performers are, their backstories, and how the tent came to exist. Even without that info, this is an original and very scary story with several satisfying twists. 4/5.

Unbortion by Rowland Bercy Jr

Title: Unbortion

Author: Rowland Bercy Jr

Year Published: 2023

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, Horror, Splatterpunk, Novella

Summary:
It was alive, confused, and pissed! It could not understand why it was violently separated from its host and left to rot. Following an undeniable call to pursue the one who abandoned it and seek revenge, the quest for retribution had begin, and nothing or no one would stand in the way.

Ten Sentence Review:

This novel was an enjoyable, funny, gross journey that left me with a lot of questions. Questions such as, "Wouldn't a placenta get dirty after rolling around a city all night and making a full pass through multiple people's bodies?" I decided to suspend those questions along with my disbelief, and truly enjoyed most of this bizarre tale. 

I only wish the dialogue and narrative were both a little less stilted and awkward, and that we could have really seen through the fetus' eyes through its real level of knowledge.  Unless there was a dictionary in that dumpster with him and the spaghetti, I have no idea how it knew the correct words for things like raccoons and single-family homes. 

Unbortion runs the risk of seeming like pro-life propaganda. The fetus is desperately seeking its host and even says the word "Mommy," and its mother regrets her abortion as soon as she gets home. Not to mention the description of unethical and brutal abortionists. Then again, these are also all pretty standard descriptions in splatterpunk. I don't think the feeling of propaganda was intentional on the part of the author or something that everyone would pick up on. 

While I'm worried that Ashley and Katrina will both need a round of serious antibiotics, I overall enjoyed this weird, fantastical romp in the Land of WTF Horror. 3/5.

Head Like a Hole by Andrew Van Wey

Title: Head Like a Hole

Author: Andrew Van Wey

Year Published: 2023

Link to Buy: Amazon

Genre: Fiction, Horror, Supernatural, 90's

Summary:
It's the mid-nineties. Grunge and flannel are fading as the Spice Girls and Hot Topic conquer the malls. Cherry gloss glistens on the lips of the youth. Modems hiss as America comes online. And in a fog-drenched cove at the edge of New England, something terrible awakens when a fisherman reels in a gruesome catch: the remains of a young woman.

Remains still pulsing with furious life.

For Megan Monroe and her friends, this is hoe their nightmare begins: a wet whisper over the shoulder, a dark hand reaching out from the edge of their sight, a name clawing at the back of their minds. 

A young woman scratched from their memory.

To stop this devouring terror, Megan will need to mend broken friendships and reassemble her fractured past, for what stalks them hungers to remake itself in their image... piece by bloody piece.

Dig into the haunted past with Head Like a Hole, a novel of malignant secrets, shattered friendships, and twisted bodily horror.

Ten Sentence Review:
I finished this book in less than 24 hours. The pacing made it feel like I was passing time at the same rate as the characters. It felt more like watching a horror movie than reading a book, but blissfully longer lasting. After a slow-ish first ten chapters, I was floored by how engaging the story was. 

The detailed (and disgusting) descriptions of body horror were mixed surprisingly with elements of marine biology and fantasy. When the cause of Oksana's condition was finally revealed I didn't know whether to laugh, sigh with relief, or scream, so I kind of did all three. I fell in love with the character of Chun-hee and she became the main character for me whenever she was present.

The big final confrontation in the story-within-the-story, and then the FINAL final reveal, were insane in the best way. My jaw still hurts from staring with my mouth wide open for about an hour. 

I'm so excited to read more by this author. 5/5!